Modern version of the three bears

What really happened at The Three Bears' house that morning

A far more accurate account of

the events of that fateful morning....


Baby bear goes downstairs,

sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is

empty. 'Who's been eating my

porridge?' he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the

big table and sits in his big chair.

He looks into his big bowl and it

is also empty. 'Who's been eating

my porridge?!?' he roars

Mummy Bear puts her head

through the serving hatch from

the kitchen and yells, 'For God's

sake, how many times do I have

to go through this with you idiots?

It was Mummy Bear who got up

first. It was Mummy Bear who

woke everyone in the house. It was

Mummy Bear who made the coffee.

It was Mummy Bear who unloaded

the dishwasher from last night and

put everything away. It was

Mummy Bear who swept the floor

in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear

who went out in the cold early

morning air to fetch The newspaper

and croissants. It was Mummy

Bear who set the damn table.

'It was Mummy Bear who walked

the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's

litter tray, gave them their food,

and refilled their water

'And now that you've decided to

drag your sorry bear-arses

downstairs and grace Mummy

Bear with your grumpy presence,

listen carefully, because I'm only

going to say this once...

I HAVEN'T MADE THE

F***ING PORRIDGE YET