3 magic words !

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her
girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely
sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could
not take her eyes off him.

This seasoned yet playful heart-throb noticed her overly attentive
stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man would.) Before she
could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and
whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you
want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00.. on one condition..."

Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was.
The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just
three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly
removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's
hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into
his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and
slowly and meaningfully said....

"Clean my house."

Obituary! ( Must must read )

Obituary !
 
Obituary printed in the London Times - Interesting and sadly rather true.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended fr om school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

A Chinaman decides to retire and move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

He bought a home on a small piece of land . A few days after moving in. The friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he
sees the Chinaman running around his frontyard chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinaman urinate into a glass and then drink  it.Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinaman leading a bull down the drive-way,
...pause...., and then  put his  left ear next to the bull's butt.

The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinaman and says, 'Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you running around the yard after hens.The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you.'

The Chinaman is very taken back and says, 'Sorry sir, you no understand, these no ...  Chinese customs I doing, these Australian Customs.'

'What do you mean mate' says the Aussie, 'Those aren't Australian customs.'

Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me' replied the Chinaman, 'He say to become true Australian, I must learn to 
..... chase chicks,
..... get piss drunk, and
.... listen to bull-shit.'
 

We are god's children

Read this story

As I was walking
Down life's highway
Many years ago

I came upon a
Sign that read

Heavens Grocery Store..

When I got a
Little closer

The doors swung
Open wide

And when I came
To myself

I was standing
Inside..

I saw a host of
Angels.

They were
Standing everywhere

One handed me a
Basket

And said 'My
Child shop with care..'

Everything a
Human needed
Was in that
Grocery store

And what you
Could not carry
You could come
Back for more

First I got some
Patience.

Love was in that
Same row.

Further down was
Understanding,
You need that
Everywhere you go..

I got a box or
Two of Wisdom
And Faith a bag
Or two.

And Charity of
Course
I would need some
Of that too..

I couldn't miss
The Holy Ghost
It was all over
The place.

And then some
Strength
And Courage to
Help me run this race.

My basket was
Getting full
But I remembered
I needed Grace,

And then I chose
Salvation for
Salvation was for
Free

I tried to get
Enough of that to do
For you and me..

Then I started to
The counter
To pay my grocery
Bill,

For I thought I
Had everything
To do the Masters
Will.

As I went up the
Aisle
I saw Prayer and
Put that in,

For I knew when I
Stepped outside
I would run into
Sin.

Peace and Joy
Were plentiful,
The last things
On the shelf.

Song and Praise
Were hanging near
So I just helped
Myself.

Then I said to
The angel

'Now how much do
I owe?'

He smiled and
Said

'Just take them
Everywhere you go.'

Again I asked
'Really now,

How much do I
Owe?'

'My child' he
Said, 'God paid your bill
A long long time
Ago.'

BEWARE YOU MAY EAT WRONG FRUIT - Note the Numbers on the Fruit Label

Note the #s on the fruit before you buy it!

Conventional Fruit Labels

Four digits starting with 4

Organic Fruit Labels
Five digits and starts with number 9

Genetically Modified Fruits
Start with the digit 8


So next time you go shopping, remember these critical numbers and know how to avoid purchasing inorganic and GMO fruits. Shop Safe :
This is good to know because stores aren't obligated to tell you if a fruit has been genetically modified .

So if you come across an apple in the store and it's label is 4922, it's a conventional apple grown with herbicides and harmful fertilizers.

If it has a sticker 99222, it's organic and safe to eat.

If it says 89222, then do not buy!!!! It has beengenetically modified(GMO).

KNOWLEDGE ABOUT YOUR HEART

Qn: What are the thumb rules for a layman to take care of his heart?

Ans:
1. Diet - Less of carbohydrate, more of protein, less oil
2. Exercise - Half an hour's walk, at least five days a week; avoid lifts and avoid sitting for a longtime
3. Quit smoking
4. Control weight
5. Control blood pressure and sugar

Qn: Is eating non-veg food (fish) good for the heart?

Ans: No

Qn: It's still a grave shock to hear that some apparently healthy person gets a cardiac arrest. How do we understand it in perspective?

Ans: This is called silent attack; that is why we recommend everyone past the age of 30 to undergo routine health checkups.

Qn: Are heart diseases hereditary?

Ans: Yes

Qn: What are the ways in which the heart is stressed? What practices do you suggest to de-stress?


Ans: Change your attitude towards life. Do not look for perfection in everything in life.

Qn: Is walking better than jogging or is more intensive exercise required to keep a healthy heart?

Ans: Walking is better than jogging since jogging leads to early fatigue and injury to joints

Qn: You have done so much for the poor and needy. What has inspired you to do so?

Ans: Mother Theresa , who was my patient

Qn: Can people with low blood pressure suffer heart diseases?

Ans: Extremely rare

Qn: Does cholesterol accumulates right from an early age

(I'm currently only 22) or do you have to worry about it only after you are above 30 years of age?

Ans: Cholesterol accumulates from childhood.

Qn: How do irregular eating habits affect the heart ?

Ans: You tend to eat junk food when the habits are irregular and your body's enzyme release for digestion gets confused.

Qn: How can I control cholesterol content without using medicines?

Ans: Control diet, walk and eat walnut.

Qn: Can yoga prevent heart ailments?

Ans: Yoga helps.

Qn: Which is the best and worst food for the heart?

Ans: Fruits and vegetables are the best and the worst is oil.

Qn: Which oil is better - groundnut, sunflower, olive?

Ans: All oils are bad ..

Qn: What is the routine checkup one should go through? Is there any specific test?

Ans: Routine blood test to ensure sugar, cholesterol is ok. Check BP, Treadmill test after an echo.

Qn: What are the first aid steps to be taken on a heart attack?

Ans: Help the person into a sleeping position , place an aspirin tablet under the tongue with a sorbitrate tablet if available, and rush him to a coronary care unit since the maximum casualty takes place within the first hour.

Qn: How do you differentiate between pain caused by a heart attack and that caused due to gastric trouble?

Ans: Extremely difficult without ECG.

Qn: What is the main cause of a steep increase in heart problems amongst youngsters? I see people of about 30-40 yrs of age having heart attacks and serious heart problems.

Ans: Increased awareness has increased incidents. Also, sedentary lifestyles, smoking, junk food, lack of exercise in a country where people are genetically three times more vulnerable for heart attacks than Europeans and Americans.

Qn: Is it possible for a person to have BP outside the normal range of 120/80 and yet be perfectly healthy?

Ans: Yes.

Qn: Marriages within close relatives can lead to heart problems for the child. Is it true?

Ans : Yes, co-sanguinity leads to congenital abnormalities and you may not have a software engineer as a child

Qn: Many of us have an irregular daily routine and many a times we have to stay late nights in office. Does this affect our heart ? What precautions would you recommend?

Ans : When you are young, nature protects you against all these irregularities. However, as you grow older, respect the biological clock.

Qn: Will taking anti-hypertensive drugs cause some other complications (short / long term)?

Ans : Yes, most drugs have some side effects. However, modern anti-hypertensive drugs are extremely safe.

Qn: Will consuming more coffee/tea lead to heart attacks?

Ans : No.

Qn: Are asthma patients more prone to heart disease?

Ans : No.

Qn: How would you define junk food?

Ans : Fried food like Kentucky , McDonalds , samosas, and even masala dosas.

Qn: You mentioned that Indians are three times more vulnerable. What is the reason for this, as Europeans and Americans also eat a lot of junk food?

Ans: Every race is vulnerable to some disease and unfortunately, Indians are vulnerable for the most expensive disease.

Qn: Does consuming bananas help reduce hypertension?

Ans : No.

Qn: Can a person help himself during a heart attack (Because we see a lot of forwarded emails on this)?

Ans : Yes. Lie down comfortably and put an aspirin tablet of any description under the tongue and ask someone to take you to the nearest coronary care unit without any delay and do not wait for the ambulance since most of the time, the ambulance does not turn up.

Qn: Do, in any way, low white blood cells and low hemoglobin count lead to heart problems?

Ans : No. But it is ideal to have normal hemoglobin level to increase your exercise capacity.

Qn: Sometimes, due to the hectic schedule we are not able to exercise. So, does walking while doing daily chores at home or climbing the stairs in the house, work as a substitute for exercise?

Ans : Certainly. Avoid sitting continuously for more than half an hour and even the act of getting out of the chair and going to another chair and sitting helps a lot..

Qn: Is there a relation between heart problems and blood sugar?

Ans: Yes. A strong relationship since diabetics are more vulnerable to heart attacks than non-diabetics.

Qn: What are the things one needs to take care of after a heart operation?

Ans : Diet, exercise, drugs on time , Control cholesterol, BP, weight..

Qn: Are people working on night shifts more vulnerable to heart disease when compared to day shift workers?

Ans : No.

Qn: What are the modern anti-hypertensive drugs?

Ans : There are hundreds of drugs and your doctor will chose the right combination for your problem, but my suggestion is to avoid the drugs and go for natural ways of controlling blood pressure by walk, diet to
reduce weight and changing attitudes towards lifestyles.

Qn: Does dispirin or similar headache pills increase the risk of heart attacks?

Ans : No.

Qn: Why is the rate of heart attacks more in men than in women?

Ans : Nature protects women till the age of 45.

Qn: How can one keep the heart in a good condition?

Ans : Eat a healthy diet, avoid junk food, exercise everyday, do not smoke and, go for health checkup s if you are past the age of 30 ( once in six months recommended) ....

Rhyming words

The grade 5 teacher one day asked the children in her class to make rhymes
with their names.

First up was Dan. A very adventurous child.

My name is Dan,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to India and Japan,
If I can, If I can, If I can.

Very good she said to Dan. She then told Sally that it now was her turn.

My name is Sally,
When I grow up to be a lady,
I want to have a baby,
If I can, if I can, if I can.

That is good Sally, she said. But maybe one day you will change your
mind..
Next up was Sam he was the naughty one in the class.

My name is Sam,
When I grow up to be a man,
Never mind India and Japan,
I gonna help Sally with her plan,
I know I can.