The train was quite crowded and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. But, the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'
She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!
'This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honor! This American should be put in his place!
'An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.'
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
This is what life is all about!!
God created the donkey
and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50years is much. Give me only 20years"
God granted his wish.
.................................................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God created the dog
and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15years.
" God granted his wish.
..................................................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God created the monkey
and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live
20years. "
The monkey answered:
"To live 20years is too much, give me only 10years."
God granted his wish.
....................................................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally God created man...
and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals..
You will dominate the world and you will live 20years."
Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20years is very little,
give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15years that the dog did not want and
the 10years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish
.................................................................................................
And since then, man lives
20years as a man,
marries and spends
30years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.
Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,
that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
That's Life.
Is'nt it ??????????
and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50years is much. Give me only 20years"
God granted his wish.
.................................................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God created the dog
and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15years.
" God granted his wish.
..................................................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God created the monkey
and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live
20years. "
The monkey answered:
"To live 20years is too much, give me only 10years."
God granted his wish.
....................................................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally God created man...
and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals..
You will dominate the world and you will live 20years."
Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20years is very little,
give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15years that the dog did not want and
the 10years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish
.................................................................................................
And since then, man lives
20years as a man,
marries and spends
30years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.
Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,
that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
That's Life.
Is'nt it ??????????
Your duck is dead!
~ Your Duck is Dead ~
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the
duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on
its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1000!" she cried, "$1000 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry.... If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1000."
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the
duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on
its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1000!" she cried, "$1000 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry.... If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1000."
Monday, March 29, 2010
The Rambo Granny of Melbourne , Australia
Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down and shot off their testicles.
The old lady spent a week hunting those men down and, when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way,
said Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp.
Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station,laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be: 'Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God.'
Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth , 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room where he and former prison cell mate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.
The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said.
'The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, 'but the doctor I talked to said he won't be using it the way he used to,' Detective Delp told reporters. 'Both men are still in pretty bad shape, 'but I think they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through.'
The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped in broad daylight
by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row.
'When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in the hospital,
'I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself
''cause I figured the Law would go easy on them,' recalled the retired library worker.
'And I wasn't scared of them, either because I've got me a gun and I've been shootin' all my life.
'And I wasn't dumb enough to turn it in when the law changed about owning one.'
So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and Debbie's description of the sickos, tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place 'till she spotted the ill-fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.
'I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a picture of 'em anyway 'and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them,' the oldster recalled.
'So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door,
'and the minute the big one opened the door, I shot 'em right square between the legs,
'right where it would really hurt 'em most, you know.
'Then I went in and shot the other one
'as he backed up pleading to me to spare him.
'Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in.'
Now, baffled lawmen are trying to figure out exactly how to deal with the vigilante granny.
'What she did was wrong, and she broke the law, but it is difficult to throw an 81-year-old woman in prison,'
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Top 10 Cholesterol Lowering Foods
1. Apples: Apple pectin is a soluble fiber that helps draw
cholesterol out of the system. The flavonoids (Quercetin) in apples
act as a powerful anti-oxidant that seems to short-circuit the process
that leads “bad” LDL cholesterol to accumulate in the bloodstream.
2. Beans: Beans and vegetables are an excellent source of soluble
fiber and high in vegetable protein. By properly combing beans with
brown rice, seeds, corn, wheat you can create a complete protein.
Properly combined beans become an excellent substitute for red meat
protein that is high in saturated fat.
3. Brown Rice: The oil in whole brown rice, not its fiber, lowers
cholesterol. Brown rice can be combined with beans to form an
inexpensive complete protein low in saturated fat. In addition, this
whole grain also supplies good doses of heart-healthy fiber, magnesium
and B vitamins.
4. Cinnamon: A study published in the journal Diabetes Care found that
half a teaspoon of cinnamon a day significantly reduces blood sugar
levels in people with type 2 diabetes. It also reduces triglyceride,
LDL, the bad cholesterol and the total cholesterol level.
5. Garlic: Garlic contains the chemical allicin, which has been shown
to kill bacteria and fungi, and alleviate certain digestive disorders.
It also lowers the blood clotting properties of blood. But the most
notable attention garlic has received over recent years is its
possible usefulness in lowering cholesterol levels.
6. Grapes: Flavonoids in grapes protect LDL cholesterol from free
radical damage and reduce platelet clumping. The LDL lowering effect
of grapes comes from a compound that grapes produce normally to resist
mold. The darker the grape, the better.
7. Oats: Oatmeal contains soluble fiber, which reduces your
low-density lipoprotein (LDL), the “bad” cholesterol. Five to 10 grams
of soluble fiber a day decreases LDL cholesterol by about 5 percent.
Eating 1.5 cups of cooked oatmeal provides 4.5 grams of fiber — enough
to lower your cholesterol.
8. Salmon: The major health components in salmon include: Omega 3
fatty-acid and protein. These components have a favorable
cardiovascular effect. The American Heart Association recommends that
people include at least two servings of fish/week, particularly fatty
fish (salmon, tuna, mackerel, sardines, anchovies and herring), in
their diets.
9. Soy: The top health promoting components in soybeans are
isoflavones and soluble fiber. Isoflavones act like human hormone that
can lower LDL cholesterol and raise HDL cholesterol. All soy products
(soybeans, soy nuts, tofu, tempeh, soy milk, etc.) are complete
proteins.
10. Walnuts: Walnuts can significantly reduce blood cholesterol
because they are rich in polyunsaturated fatty acids. Walnuts also
help keep blood vessels healthy and elastic. Almonds appear to have a
similar effect, resulting in a marked improvement within just four
weeks. A cholesterol-lowering diet with a little less than 1/3 of a
cup of walnuts/day may reduce LDL cholesterol by 12 percent.
cholesterol out of the system. The flavonoids (Quercetin) in apples
act as a powerful anti-oxidant that seems to short-circuit the process
that leads “bad” LDL cholesterol to accumulate in the bloodstream.
2. Beans: Beans and vegetables are an excellent source of soluble
fiber and high in vegetable protein. By properly combing beans with
brown rice, seeds, corn, wheat you can create a complete protein.
Properly combined beans become an excellent substitute for red meat
protein that is high in saturated fat.
3. Brown Rice: The oil in whole brown rice, not its fiber, lowers
cholesterol. Brown rice can be combined with beans to form an
inexpensive complete protein low in saturated fat. In addition, this
whole grain also supplies good doses of heart-healthy fiber, magnesium
and B vitamins.
4. Cinnamon: A study published in the journal Diabetes Care found that
half a teaspoon of cinnamon a day significantly reduces blood sugar
levels in people with type 2 diabetes. It also reduces triglyceride,
LDL, the bad cholesterol and the total cholesterol level.
5. Garlic: Garlic contains the chemical allicin, which has been shown
to kill bacteria and fungi, and alleviate certain digestive disorders.
It also lowers the blood clotting properties of blood. But the most
notable attention garlic has received over recent years is its
possible usefulness in lowering cholesterol levels.
6. Grapes: Flavonoids in grapes protect LDL cholesterol from free
radical damage and reduce platelet clumping. The LDL lowering effect
of grapes comes from a compound that grapes produce normally to resist
mold. The darker the grape, the better.
7. Oats: Oatmeal contains soluble fiber, which reduces your
low-density lipoprotein (LDL), the “bad” cholesterol. Five to 10 grams
of soluble fiber a day decreases LDL cholesterol by about 5 percent.
Eating 1.5 cups of cooked oatmeal provides 4.5 grams of fiber — enough
to lower your cholesterol.
8. Salmon: The major health components in salmon include: Omega 3
fatty-acid and protein. These components have a favorable
cardiovascular effect. The American Heart Association recommends that
people include at least two servings of fish/week, particularly fatty
fish (salmon, tuna, mackerel, sardines, anchovies and herring), in
their diets.
9. Soy: The top health promoting components in soybeans are
isoflavones and soluble fiber. Isoflavones act like human hormone that
can lower LDL cholesterol and raise HDL cholesterol. All soy products
(soybeans, soy nuts, tofu, tempeh, soy milk, etc.) are complete
proteins.
10. Walnuts: Walnuts can significantly reduce blood cholesterol
because they are rich in polyunsaturated fatty acids. Walnuts also
help keep blood vessels healthy and elastic. Almonds appear to have a
similar effect, resulting in a marked improvement within just four
weeks. A cholesterol-lowering diet with a little less than 1/3 of a
cup of walnuts/day may reduce LDL cholesterol by 12 percent.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
A Indian Negotiating with God
A Indian Negotiating with God
God came and asked me for a wish, I told GOD “Let all my friends be healthy and happy forever!"
GOD said: But for 4 days only!
I said: Yes, let them be a Spring Day, Summer Day, Autumn Day, and Winter Day.
GOD said: 3 days...
I said: Yes, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.
GOD said: No, 2 days!
I said: Yes, a Bright Day (Daytime) and Dark Day (Night-time) .
GOD said: No, just 1 day!
I said: Yes!
GOD asked: Which day?
I said: Every Day in the living years of all my friends!
GOD laughed, and said: You INDIANS know how to negotiate. But since you are praying and asking happiness for your friends, I can't refuse. I love everyone who thinks of others first, so don't you worry.
Follow to Look 4 More
God came and asked me for a wish, I told GOD “Let all my friends be healthy and happy forever!"
GOD said: But for 4 days only!
I said: Yes, let them be a Spring Day, Summer Day, Autumn Day, and Winter Day.
GOD said: 3 days...
I said: Yes, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.
GOD said: No, 2 days!
I said: Yes, a Bright Day (Daytime) and Dark Day (Night-time) .
GOD said: No, just 1 day!
I said: Yes!
GOD asked: Which day?
I said: Every Day in the living years of all my friends!
GOD laughed, and said: You INDIANS know how to negotiate. But since you are praying and asking happiness for your friends, I can't refuse. I love everyone who thinks of others first, so don't you worry.
Follow to Look 4 More
Monday, March 22, 2010
The amazing cucumber !! very interesting!!
This information was in The New York Times several
weeks ago as part of their "Spotlight on the Home"
series that highlighted creative and fanciful ways to
solve common problems.
1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need
every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1,
Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6,
Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium,
Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.
2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the
caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber. Cucumbers
are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates
that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last
for hours.
3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a
shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the
mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a
soothing, spa-like fragrance.
every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1,
Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6,
Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium,
Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.
2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the
caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber. Cucumbers
are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates
that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last
for hours.
3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a
shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the
mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a
soothing, spa-like fragrance.
4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds?
Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden
will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in
the cucumber react with the aluminium to give off a
scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests
crazy and make them flee the area.
5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite
before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or
two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few
minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause
the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the
outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite.
Works great on wrinkles too!!!
6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache?
Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and
wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers
contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to
replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping
everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover
and headache!!
7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening
snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for
centuries and often used by European trappers,
traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off
starvation.
Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden
will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in
the cucumber react with the aluminium to give off a
scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests
crazy and make them flee the area.
5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite
before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or
two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few
minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause
the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the
outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite.
Works great on wrinkles too!!!
6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache?
Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and
wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers
contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to
replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping
everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover
and headache!!
7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening
snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for
centuries and often used by European trappers,
traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off
starvation.
8. Have an important meeting or job interview and
you realise that you don't have enough time to polish
your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the
shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable
shine that not only looks great but also repels water.
9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge?
Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the
problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!
10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage,
facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber
and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals
and nutrients from the cucumber with react with
the boiling water and be released in the steam,
creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been
shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college
students during final exams.
11. Just finish a business lunch and realise you don't
have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and
press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue
for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the
phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth
responsible for causing bad breath.
12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets,
sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of cucumber and
rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will
it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine,
but is won't leave streaks and won't harm you fingers
or fingernails while you clean.
13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside
of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen
writing, also works great on crayons and markers that
the kids have used to decorate the walls!!
you realise that you don't have enough time to polish
your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the
shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable
shine that not only looks great but also repels water.
9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge?
Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the
problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!
10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage,
facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber
and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals
and nutrients from the cucumber with react with
the boiling water and be released in the steam,
creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been
shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college
students during final exams.
11. Just finish a business lunch and realise you don't
have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and
press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue
for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the
phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth
responsible for causing bad breath.
12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets,
sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of cucumber and
rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will
it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine,
but is won't leave streaks and won't harm you fingers
or fingernails while you clean.
13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside
of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen
writing, also works great on crayons and markers that
the kids have used to decorate the walls!!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Beware!!
Subject: This is a new technique used by robbers.
Please take notice of this. If you are driving at night and are attacked with eggs, do not
operate the wiper and spray any water. Because eggs mixed with water become milky and block your vision up to 92.5%.
Then you are forced to stop at the road side and become a
victim of robbers. This is a new technique used by robbers.
Please inform your friends and relatives and take this seriously.
Pass it on even if you don't drive.
Please take notice of this. If you are driving at night and are attacked with eggs, do not
operate the wiper and spray any water. Because eggs mixed with water become milky and block your vision up to 92.5%.
Then you are forced to stop at the road side and become a
victim of robbers. This is a new technique used by robbers.
Please inform your friends and relatives and take this seriously.
Pass it on even if you don't drive.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Mohammed is now Johnny( Hilarious!)
Mohammed is now Johnny
| ||
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Cricketers!! You'll love this one!!
Most cricketers, who are not comfortable in conversing in English, go prepare for some standard questions that are asked to them when commentators chat with them during the awards ceremony. Inzamam was once asked a different question after Pakistan won the match, for which he was not prepared. He always used his standard response to the first question after winning
But this time.....
After Winning the Match
Tony Greg : So Inzi, that's fantastic, your wife is pregnant for the second time and u must be happy!
Inzamam : Thanks Tony?,?.! All credit goes to the boys. Everyone work hard for it, especially Afridi. It was tight situation when he went in. Also Bob Woolmer was keeping close watch on progress and giving instructions. It's all team effort. Insha Allah, we all will work together as a team, put in big effort and deliver good result all the time and will be able to REPEAT the same result.
Tony fainted!!!!! !
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Carnation Milk! ( read with caution!)
A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.
When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in approximately the 1940's, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with 'Carnation Milk is best of all.'
She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms. I can do this!
She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black limo pulled up in front of her house. A man got out and said, 'Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $2,000 even though we will not be able to use it!'
Monday, March 15, 2010
WHERE DO RED-HEADED BABIES COME FROM?
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician.
'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you,I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine!!'
'Nonsense,' the doctor said. 'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to
the gene pool.'
'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations..'
'Well,' said the doctor, 'let me ask you this. Howoften do you have sex???'
The man seemed a bit ashamed.
'I've been working very hard for the past year.We only made love once or twice every few months.'
'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently.
‘It's rust’ !!
PERFORMANCE Vs POSITION
A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not ?
The guy replies: I am Paandi, Auto driver from Chennai!
God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Paandi: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven .
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so so, Head Priest of the so so Church for the last 40 years.
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so so, Head Priest of the so so Church for the last 40 years.
God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven .
'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?!'
'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.
'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people really PRAYED'
It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts!!!!!
'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?!'
'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.
'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people really PRAYED'
It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts!!!!!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
You got to love this one!!
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Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Male or Female!!( hilarious)
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are
designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer'
should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its
recommendation.
The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender
('la computadora'), because:
1.. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible
to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for
it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'),
because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could
have gotten a better model..
The women won.
Beware when out shopping!!
This incident happen in Malaysia but it can happen anywhere. Be careful when you are out shopping!!
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Sunday, March 7, 2010
On the light side!!
After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said: "Darling, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old girl. Now I have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old girl, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Be Careful of your CREDIT CARDS!!
These incidents can happen to anyone. I never realized this could happen till I read this. I will make sure I am more careful when I use it from now on. Hope you find this piece as informative as I did!!
SCENE 1.
This is a new one.
People sure stay busy trying to cheat us,don't they?
A friend went to the local gym and placed his belongings in the locker. After the workout and a shower, he came out, saw the locker open, and thought to himself, 'Funny, I thought I locked the locker.
Hmm, 'He dressed and just flipped the wallet to make sure all was in order. Everything looked okay - all cards were in place.
A few weeks later his credit card bill came - a whooping bill of $14. He called the credit card company and started yelling at them, saying that he did not make the transactions.
Customer care personnel verified that there was no Mistake in the system and asked if his card had been stolen. 'No,' he said, but then took out his wallet, pulled out the credit card, and yup - you guessed it - a switch had been made . An expired similar credit card from the same bank was in the wallet. The thief broke into his locker at the gym and switched cards.
This is a new one.
People sure stay busy trying to cheat us,don't they?
A friend went to the local gym and placed his belongings in the locker. After the workout and a shower, he came out, saw the locker open, and thought to himself, 'Funny, I thought I locked the locker.
Hmm, 'He dressed and just flipped the wallet to make sure all was in order. Everything looked okay - all cards were in place.
A few weeks later his credit card bill came - a whooping bill of $14. He called the credit card company and started yelling at them, saying that he did not make the transactions.
Customer care personnel verified that there was no Mistake in the system and asked if his card had been stolen. 'No,' he said, but then took out his wallet, pulled out the credit card, and yup - you guessed it - a switch had been made . An expired similar credit card from the same bank was in the wallet. The thief broke into his locker at the gym and switched cards.
Verdict: The credit card issuer said since he did not report the card missing earlier, he would have to pay the amount owed to them. How much did he have to pay for items he did not buy? $9,000! Why were there no calls made to verify the amount swiped?
Small amounts rarely trigger a 'warning bell' with some credit card companies. It just so happens that all the small amounts added up to big one!
SCENE 2.
A man at a local restaurant paid for his meal with his credit card .The bill for the meal came, he signed
it,and the waitress folded the receipt and passed the credit card along.
Small amounts rarely trigger a 'warning bell' with some credit card companies. It just so happens that all the small amounts added up to big one!
SCENE 2.
A man at a local restaurant paid for his meal with his credit card .The bill for the meal came, he signed
it,and the waitress folded the receipt and passed the credit card along.
Usually, he would just take it and placeit in his wallet or pocket.. Funny enough, though, he actually took a look at the card and, lo and behold, it was the expired card of another person.
He called the waitress and she looked perplexed.. She took it back, apologized, and hurried
back to the counter under the watchful eye of the man.All the waitress did while walking to the
counter was wave the wrong expired card to the counter cashier, and the counter
cashier immediately looked down and took out the real card . No exchange of words --- nothing! She
took it and came back to the man with an apology
Verdict: Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are yours. Check the name on the card every time you sign for something and/or the card is taken away for even a short period of time.Many people just take back the credit card without even looking at it, 'assuming' that it has to be theirs.
back to the counter under the watchful eye of the man.All the waitress did while walking to the
counter was wave the wrong expired card to the counter cashier, and the counter
cashier immediately looked down and took out the real card . No exchange of words --- nothing! She
took it and came back to the man with an apology
Verdict: Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are yours. Check the name on the card every time you sign for something and/or the card is taken away for even a short period of time.Many people just take back the credit card without even looking at it, 'assuming' that it has to be theirs.
FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, DEVELOP THE HABIT OF CHECKING YOUR CREDIT CARD EACH TIME IT IS RETURNED TO YOU AFTER A TRANSACTION!
Monday, March 1, 2010
DEMENTIA - HOW TO AVOID IT
Dementia- HOW TO AVOID IT( VERY IMPORTANT)
Start When You Are Still Young...
To help ward off dementia, train your brain:
Timing is everything, comedians say. It's also important when it comes to taking care of your brain. Yet most of us start worrying about dementia after retirement - and that may be too little, too late. Experts say that if you really want to ward off dementia, you need to start taking care of your brain in your 30s and or even earlier.
"More and more research is suggesting that lifestyle is very important to your brain's health," says Dr Paul Nussbaum, a neuropsychologist and an adjunct associate professor at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine "If you want to live a long, healthy life, then many of us need to start as early as we can.
"So what can you do to beef up your brain – and possibly ward off dementia?”
Dr Nussbaum, who recently gave a speech on the topic for the Winter Park ( Fla. ) Health Foundation, offers
20 tips that may help.
1.*Join clubs or organizations that need volunteers*.
If you start volunteering now, you won't feel lost and unneeded after you retire.
2.*Develop a hobby or two*.
Hobbies help you develop a robust brain because you're trying something new and complex.
3.*Practice writing with your non-dominant hand several minutes every day*.
This will exercise the opposite side of your brain and fire up those neurons.
4.*Take dance lessons*.
In a study of nearly 500 people, dancing was the only regular physical activity associated with a significant decrease in the incidence of dementia, including Alzheimer's disease. The people who danced three or four times a week showed 76% less incidence of dementia than those who danced only once a week or not at all.
5.Need a hobby? *Start gardening*.
Researchers in New Zealand found that, of 1,000 people, those who gardened regularly were less likely to suffer from dementia. Not only does gardening reduce stress, but gardeners use their brains to plan garden they use visual and spatial reasoning to lay out a garden.
6.*Buy a pedometer and walk 10,000 steps a day*.
Walking daily can reduce the risk of dementia because cardio vascular health is important to maintain blood flow to the brain.
7.*Read and write daily*.
Reading stimulates a wide variety of brain areas that process and store information. Likewise, writing (not copying) stimulates many areas of the brain as well.
8.*Start knitting*.
Using both hands works both sides of your brain. And it's a stress reducer...
9.*Learn a new language*.
Whether it's a foreign language or sign language, you are working your brain by making it go back and forth between one language and the other. A researcher in England found that being bilingual seemed to delay symptoms of Alzheimer's disease for four years. (And some research suggests that the earlier a child learns sign language, the higher his IQ - and people with high IQs are less likely to have dementia. So start them early.)
10.*Play board games such as Scrabble and Monopoly*.
Not only are you taxing your brain, you're socializing too. (Playing solo games, such as solitaire or online computer brain games can be helpful, but Dr Nussbaum prefers games that encourage you to socialize too.) *MAHJONG IS GOOD!* besides which there is the incentive of $$$.
11.*Take classes throughout your lifetime*.
Learning produces structural and chemical changes in the brain, and education appears to help people live longer. Brain researchers have found that people with advanced degrees live longer - and if they do have Alzheimer's, it often becomes apparent only in the very later stages of the disease.
12.*Listen to classical music*.
A growing volume of research suggests that music may hardwire the brain, building links between the two hemispheres. Any kind of music may work, but there's some research that shows positive effects for classical music, though researchers don't understand why.
13.*Learn a musical instrument*.
It may be harder than it was when you were a kid, but you'll be developing a dormant part of your brain.
14.*Travel.*
When you travel (whether it's to a distant vacation spot or on a different route across town), you're forcing your brain to navigate a new and complex environment. A study of London taxi drivers found experienced drivers had larger brains because they have to store lots of information about locations and how to navigate there.
15.*Pray*.
Daily prayer appears to help your immune system. And people who attend a formal worship service regularly live longer and report happier, healthier lives.
16. *Learn to meditate*.
It's important for your brain that you learn to shut out the stresses of everyday life.
17.*Get enough sleep*.
Studies have shown a link between interrupted sleep and dementia.
18.*Eat more foods containing omega-3 fatty acids*:
Salmon, sardines, tuna, ocean trout, mackerel or herring, plus walnuts (which are higher in omega 3s than salmon) and flaxseed. Flaxseed oil, cod liver oil and walnut oil are good sources too.
19.*Eat more fruits and vegetables*.
Antioxidants in fruits and vegetables mop up some of the damage caused by free radicals, one of the leading killers of brain cells.
20..*Eat at least one meal a day with family and friends*.
You'll slow down, socialize, and research shows you'll eat healthier food than if you ate alone or on the go.
21.*In addition, I think receiving and distributing e-mails every day helps the brain function and exercise !!*
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